The Pillars of Control

Mastering Conflict Management

Power, Strength & Skill

Conflict is an inevitable part of life, often arising unexpectedly and challenging our sense of control. It can be daunting, especially when we feel overwhelmed by the circumstances. However, understanding the underlying factors of conflict and how they manifest can empower us to navigate toward positive outcomes. When someone attempts to control you, they often employ one or more of the Three Pillars of Control: Power, Strength, and Skill.

By understanding how each pillar functions, you can better identify the tactics being used against
you and respond more effectively.

Pillar One: Power

Power is an implied authority one party holds over another. For example, a police officer has the power to arrest, and a manager has the power to grant a pay raise. While power appears to be a concrete reality, it is, in essence, an illusion sustained only by the acknowledgement of all parties involved. Once someone challenges or rejects this power, it begins to lose its control.

Pillar Two: Strength

Strength refers to one party's physical or numerical advantage over another. Unlike power, strength is tangible—someone physically stronger or part of a larger group can dominate based on this alone. When combined with power, strength can seem overwhelming. However, understanding how these elements are applied allows you to devise strategies to counteract them.

Pillar Three: Skill

Skill is the most crucial pillar in any scenario involving conflict. While one party may excel in a particular skill (such as aggression), leveraging a diverse range of skills (like negotiation, empathy, or strategic thinking) to guide the outcome in your favour is possible.

The key is not to match or exceed the other party's skills but to recognise how they are manipulating the situation and how you can respond with the most appropriate tactics. Skill is developed through experience, knowledge, and expertise. Unlike power, skill is self- contained and does not require external validation. Even when your skills differ from your opponent's, they can achieve a positive outcome.